Dear Diary, How could things possibly get worse?
by Lucinda Marks
Summary: Axel narrates the story of how he ended up falling for his best friend and all events that occur afterwords. one-sided AkuRoku.


**How My Life Got Flipped Upside-Down**

Axel's PoV

Hey there, the name's Axel. A-X-E-L, got it memorized? This here thingy-ma-bob is the story of how I went from being your typical pyromaniacal redhead, to falling for my best friend. Trust me when I say it's a hard concept to swallow. Especially when said best friend is another guy. Yeah, you read that right. While now I have absolutely no problem with being considered gay, the whole thought of it did take some getting used to. It isn't exactly easy to go from thinking that you're pretty much straight, not including any incidents that may or may not occur while under the influence, to fighting the urge to shove another guy against the lockers and kiss him with all the passion in your being. Please, just take a moment to consider how strange, difficult, and all around weird this situation is for me. Yeah. 'Cause you see, me and Roxas met back in 1st grade, I had stolen my dad's lighter and was hiding in the back corner of the play ground burning whatever I could get to catch fire, and Roxas had come up to me there and instead of going to tell the teacher, like just about anyone else would, he just sat down across from me and watched. We've been best friends ever since. We were practically joined at the hip. Wherever one was, you were more likely than not to find the other nearby. It was great. Life itself was great. That is, until yours truly went and had dream consisting of a rather intimate moment between myself and a certain pale, blonde, blue-eyed cutie. Yup. That's how I discovered my true feelings for the guy. Pretty sick huh? So, do you feel even slightly sorry for me yet? Really? I thought it would have been the other way around. Well, I'm sure you'll feel 100% sorry for me by the end of this tale. And yes. That is my way of telling you that this story doesn't end well. Not for me at least.

**xXx**

_I was startled awake by something heavy dropping onto my chest. My eyes opened only to be confronted by a pair of widened cerulean orbs staring into them with a strange gleam dancing within. That's weird. What was Roxas doing at my house in the middle of the night? I was just seconds away from asking him for myself, but there was something about the way he was staring at me that kept the words from coming out. He looked desperate. Maybe even a little scared. And I can tell you right now, Roxas is never openly frightened. About anything. Never. So yeah, I was a little taken aback to see it so clearly in his features. It made my heart race. I'm not sure why. I think it's because I was so worried about him. After a long moment of just gazing into each other's eyes, I became aware of him drawing closer to my face, his hands that had been placed lightly upon my shoulders tensed. It was only then that I was able to force my voice out._

_"Rox, what are yo-," he had effectively shut me up with an action that I was far from expecting. My best friend had closed the distance between us while I had been speaking and gently pressed his lips to mine. I was frozen in shock. What the hell?! My mind just couldn't comprehend it. It was on repeat. 'Roxas is kissing me. Roxas is kissing me. Roxas is kissing me.' My body was on auto-pilot. That's the only reason I can come up for considering what my next action was. When I recieved the slight sensation of something warm and moist brush across my bottom lip, I allowed it entrance. Yet, as my mouth was invaded, I remained unresponsive. I was barely able to notice his hands moving to the back of my neck, pulling me closer to own hands limp at my sides. I was still frozen, just barely registering all of this until be pulled away and whispered into my ear._

_"Come on Axel. Don't tell me I'm alone here." I think it was the worried tone in his voice that snapped me out of my little trance. It still took a moment for it all to soak in. By that time Roxas had moved down to trail nips and kisses along my neck. That was when it finally dawned on me. I was enjoying this. I wanted this. Why hadn't I realized it before? I decided not to waste time with stupid questions, gently lifting his face to my own and kissing him. He released a small sigh of relief before returning the gesture. It was strange. This whole situation just seemed far too normal. It seemed right even. There I go again with the stupid questions._

_It didn't take long for it to evolve into a deeper, more passionate kiss. By that point I had flipped us over so that now I was hovering above the small blonde boy. I pulled away for a new breath of air, pausing for just a moment to meet his lazy gaze. It amazed me that I had never seen this coming. That he had returned the feelings I hadn't even known I'd had for him. Then, with a small smile playing across my face, I moved down to recapture his lips. He didn't waste a second before moving to deepen it to the level of intimacy it had been left at before. His small, nimble hands pulled me closer than ever before. There wasn't any space between us now, the friction we created heating up the very air surrounding us._

_I jumped a little as I felt two small hands slide slowly up the front of my shirt. Though, after the initial shock of the blonde's bold move, I was completely elated. I could feel butterfly's dancing in my stomach. His hand were leaving a trail of fire wherever they went. I was positive that there would never be a happier moment in my life. Although, I could do without that little voice in the back of my head, my conscience undoubtably, saying that this was all going way too fast. I knew it was right, but I found myself unwilling to stop. I was worried that if I stopped now I would never get another chance like this. Yes, it's stupid, but that's how I am. Though, that would probably not excuse me from my next course of action. I had started a sort of grinding motion between us. I had nearly regretted it, until I heard the sound it forced past Roxas' lips. Just hearing that sound made me lose all thoughts of stopping. I had to hear it again. I had to hear him say my name. Scream it even. It was like a drug. Addicting._

**xXx**

My eyes shot open, wide with wonder and confusion. Where the hell did Roxas go? It took a few moments before the truth dawned on me. It had all been a dream? God. That may be the weirdest dream I have ever had to endure. A quick glance downward proved that it had been a rather effective dream as well. "Shit," I mumbled sleepily. I did not want to deal with a situation like this at 2:30am on a school night. Much less even begin contemplating why I had even had that dream nor the reaction I had to it. Yet, despite my intense longing for more sleep, the after effects of my little 'wet dream' wouldn't hear of it. So, I grudgingly pulled myself out of the comfortable warmth of my bed and into a much needed cold shower.

I stepped out of the bathroom with my pajama pants haning loosly upon my hips and a towel resting across my shoulders. As relieved as I was to be rid of my 'problem', I was now a long ways away from falling back to sleep. So, with a resigned sigh, I walked over to my desk and turned on my computer. The way I saw it, I might as well do something while I was going to be up and about. While waiting for it to load up, I used my towel to dry my hair, tossing it inot the clothes hamper when I had finished. Sitting at my desk I noticed that someone else was actually on at this ungoddly hour. Too bad they just happened to be my best friend and the star of my problematic dream. Just as I was about to log out of AIM, a little window popped up.

**just_another_nobody13:** hey ax what are you doing up so late?

Great. Just great. He was talking to me. Why me? Okay, so there's no way he would have known that I was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. But I really don't want to talk to him right now. Not with those images still fresh in my mind. Although, if I don't talk to him he'll deffinately be suspicious. So...

**hyperactivepyromaniac08:** i had a wierd dream couldnt get back to sleep you?

There. I told him the truth. Just not the whole truth. For some reason I have never been able to lie to him. Don't ask, 'cause not even I know why. All I could do now was hope he wouldn't ask about it. Please, just let my luck pull me out of this. Just this once.

**just_another_nobody13:** are you kidding me? have you ever known me to go to sleep at a decent hour? what was so wierd about it that it could keep **you **awake?

Damn. Well... maybe I could tell him without letting it slip that he was what made it wierd me out.

**hyperactivepyromaniac08: **well... it was one of _those_ dreams

**just_another_nobody13: **??? what do you mean?

**hyperactivepyromaniac08: ***sighs* dont make me go into detail about it with you that would be just too wierd

**just_another_nobody13: **what?... OH! well... whats wrong with having one of _those_ dreams?

**hyperactivepyromaniac08: **its just... the person i was with in it

**just_another_nobody13: **who was it?

**hyperactivepyromaniac08: **lets just say that it was one of my closer friends okay? i dont really want to talk about it

**just_another_nobody13: **okay... so what do you want to talk about then?

**hyperactivepyromaniac08: **i dont know... hows the progress in plan 'romance namine'?

**just_another_nobody13: **well... its not exactly an option at the moment considering she has a boyfriend already

**hyperactivepyromaniac08: **i guess that means youre going to have to steal her away from him! who is he anyway?

**just_another_nobody13: **some senior i think his name is marluxia or something like that hes got pink hair you know him?

**hyperactivepyromaniac08:** i think he might be in my algebra II class ha! pink hair! who even does that?

**just_another_nobody13: **yeah i know... im going to go ahead and get some sleep before school tomorrw see ya later ax.

**hyperactivepyromaniac08P: **yeah later rox

*****just_another_nobody13 has just signed out 3:45AM*****

Well, at least he let it drop. That's good right? God only knows how he'd react if he knew that it had been him in my dream. He'd probably never speak to me again. And I don't exactly want that to happen. I mean, he's my best friend. We've known each other since elementry. Like hell I'd let some stupid dream come between our friendship. I can only hope that that dream had been a one time only deal. I don't think I could deal with going through all of this again. It was odd though, my reaction that is. The way my first thought when I woke up was 'Where's Roxas?'. Sure, the dream me had seemed to be enjoying himself, but the realy me couldn't have right? But then again, aren't dreams supposed to be our subconscious' way of telling us things we wouldn't be able to figure out on our own? A frustrated sigh escaped my mouth. This entire situation had the potential of becoming a whole lot more problematic.

I glanced at the clock and released another sigh. It was now 4:03am. At least now I was a little bit tired. So, resolving to save thinking about it any further till later, i turned off the computer and climbed back into my bed to get a couple more hours of sleep before school. Hopefully this time around I won't have a strange dream about my best friend.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Okay. So, I know this isn't the usualy way that things get done on FF, but I just wanted to get this out here to see whether or not anyone would even be remotely intrested before writing more on it. So... Do you guys want me to go with this story or not? Please let me know. Also, if you read my other story, **Behind The Mask**, I will update it as soon as I possibly can. And I'm very sorry that I haven't been able to do so as of yet. My computer died and I was only recently able to get a new one. Sorry!!!!! Anywho, back to this thing. If I get back at least 5 positives to making this story, I will go on and do so. But any form of review is accepted, so just click the little button at the bottom and tell me what you think!

Sincerely,

**_Luci M._**


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